E mail worth posting

I received this e mail a couple of days ago and thought it was
humoursome (I know that's not a real word) enough to post here.

Number One Idiot of 2006 I am a medical student currently doing a
rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this
woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter
eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful
and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into
the emergency room right away. Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on
the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They
were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly
after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast
Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper
was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the
raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here's
your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into
the Branch and wrote "this. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to the Wells Fa rgo Bank. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat
defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Don't
bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

NumberFour Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his
car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of
his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photogra
ph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police
that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He
immediately mailed in his $40. Wise guy........ but you still get a
sign.

Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you
are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused
to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the
robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact
over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from
the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and
gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later. This guy definitely needs a
sign.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many
deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good
place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman , KS