It’s just before ten pm eastern time. I really have only an hour left.
At midnight it’ll be tomorrow, that means it’ll be November 9, 2008. I’ll be 44.

How about that? 44 years old, married nearly 19 years to my best friend, father of four, homeowner, and living with two cats and a dog. (I can never understand what those cats are trying to say to me.)

So what does it all mean? I should have some inkling at this point don’t you think. I’m no rookie here. I have some life experience. I have been a few places. I’ve experienced great joy and unparalleled loss but I don’t have the answers. I don’t even have the questions.

My hair has left the building and what is left is turning gray. Everything I eat goes straight to my waist. If I drink three beers and eat a few hot wings it is bad news. I’m guaranteed to have terrible heart burn and pay for the beers the next day like I’d gone on some kind of bender. (Don’t tell but I’m a one beer kind of guy and I’m ordering medium wings. No peer pressure please, I just can’t take it.)

My childhood neighbor and friend Billy McGeorge once said he couldn’t wait to be big. When asked why Billy said “so he could say shit and carry a pocket knife.”

These days I think BIG ain’t so great. My back is stiff and my knees hurt. I had to get glasses because my arms aren’t long enough to hold the paper out where I can see it. I remember when Dad had to get glasses for the same reason. He was the same age I am now.

My oldest daughter is going to be sixteen. I can remember when I was sixteen. I had hair and used a hair brush. I may have even used a blow dryer and mousse. Do they even still make mousse?

I get in these melancholy answer seeking moods from time to time. I reflect and my thoughts often go to a song by Livingston Taylor, the lesser known brother of James Taylor.

The last verse kind of sums it up for me.

I’ve been looking out for answers
I find frankly there are none.
There is honor, love and family
And work left to be done.

I'm Glad I know You Well by Livingston Taylor

Back to work.

RL